so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
