Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
