Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
