worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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