yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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