Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
