can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
