im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The air was thick with penises
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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