I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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