Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
