everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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