you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
