It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
