Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
