My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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