i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
