this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
