Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
