The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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