I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
