Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
