I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
