i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
