Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
