he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
