Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
