I'm going to jail i love you
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
