News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
