I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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