Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
