The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
