Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
