Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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