Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
being pregnant is like rehab
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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