Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
