i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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