he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
