He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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