I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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