I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
