You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
