If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
