2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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