Already got asked if we're dating
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
