Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
