i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
