Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
