Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
