I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
