I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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