you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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